The Ninja Whisperer
by Sage347
Summary: He is on a mission. He doesn't really want to be. Meet your new Melinda, kids.
1. Styx and Stones

**A/N**- Branches off from the manga chapter 294 (sortof). Manga spoilers up to certain points afterwards, if ya know what I mean. This is mostly meant to be a comedy, but it will have its dramatic moments. And its **fluffeh** ones.

**Warnings** include swearing, and_ occasionally _satiric humor.

So yeah.

_Without adeu, I present to you; _

_**The Ninja Whisperer**_

_The original title was "Styx and Agate". _

_If you can tell me all the ways that title is an extremely lame pun, I will give you a virtual cookie. _

_...Be afraid. Be very afraid. _

--

The rain poured, muffling noises, scents and sights. It poured, cold and heavy and hard, until the pulses of life slowed down to just a trickle, and then faded away.

_We have to go_, they would say.

_Take him, and go, _they said.

They ran through the rain, and the body weighed them down as they did.

"Shit," A woman's voice snapped as they paused, "I can't feel a pulse."

"How long has it been?" Another asked calmly.

A third answered, "I don't know, five minutes?"

"Shit," The woman said, tearing at her hair. "He can't _die_!"

"What the hell do we do?" The third voice asked, unsure, "We're supposed to shock him, right? That'd work, right?"

"Let me." The second voice, still calm, gave no room for question.

--

"What do you _mean_ all of the scents are gone?!" Naruto demanded.

Kiba glared at him, "I _mean_, it's _raining_, and _eventually_ smells _go away_ when it's _**raining**_! Even I can't pick up a scent after a solid ten minutes of rain like this!"

Naruto clenched his jaw, turning away with a snap.

"Naruto!" Sakura protested, going after him. Kakashi placed a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up at him with furrowed brows. He shook his head, and she scoffed, folding her arms.

_He could be dead... _a tinkling little voice murmured.

"No he's not." Naruto muttered.

Shino stared at him blankly.

--

Sasuke blinked through the darkness. He couldn't feel anything, he couldn't hear anything (even his pulse was strangely quiet), and he couldn't see anything.

Little flashes of memory played in his mind. He saw Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi. He saw Tsunade, and Shikamaru. Oddly, he saw Neji, Ino, Chouji and even those he couldn't recall saying a word to, like Shizune, and Hinata.

He recalled Itachi smiling even as he was dying, and he saw him crying.

Sasuke blinked again. _What? _

He moved his mouth to call out, but his own voice was like a ghost that held no sound.

"I never expected to see you this soon," A tired voice spoke, and Sasuke whirled. As he spun, sound and sight came rushing in, making him dizzy enough to stumble.

"Sandaime?" He murmured, blinking blearily. Birds flew, calling out in the morning light, distracting him with the intrusively high-pitched sounds. His vision was blurred, but the hat, and the voice...

"Good to know you can recognize me," Sarutobi said with a smile.

Sasuke stared at the young man before him as his vision cleared, the fog in his mind lifting slowly. "I'm dead, aren't I?"

"For now," The Sandaime shrugged simply, "I'm not entirely certain if your friends can save you."

"Friends?"

"Ah, that's right... you seem to have forgotten what the word means."

For some reason, Sasuke flinched.

"Although, I suppose it's not entirely your fault."

Sasuke looked at him, then, confused. _Itachi cried. _"What do you mean?"

Sarutobi smiled, as tiredly as he ever had. "You can come out now."

Another figure stepped into view, and Sasuke tensed, rage and hate and confusion snapping into place. But also...

"Why were you crying?" The words tumbled out before he could think, before he could breathe, and he didn't really know why he asked.

Itachi blinked.

"Just in case your friends aren't able to save you," Sarutobi began, as if he was old and grey instead of young and...er...dead...hm, "I suppose you'll need an explanation."

Sasuke looked at Itachi, then at Sarutobi. If he was dead... and Itachi was here... ah, yes, that was right. The bastard was dead. But then...so was he.

_My head hurts_.

--

"Naruto..." Sakura spoke hesitantly, biting her lip as she paused. "Are you-?"

"I'm fine!" He grinned, eyes closed tightly, "Sasuke's not the type to just keel over. We'll catch up... we'll just look around and see if we can find a new trail!"

Sakura's expression fell away, and her hand twitched at her side. "Yeah," She agreed, voice flat and tired and light and broken all at once, "Yeah, you're right."

Kakashi walked up to them. "Well we should probably get started on that, then."

Sakura looked at him, then, eyes saying a million things. She forced her lips into a smile; the first one was always the hardest.

--

Sasuke's eyes cracked open, and the first person he saw was Karin. Her mouth was moving, eyes afraid and yet relieved, and the words slowly rushed to meet his ears.

"Bite me, damnit!"

Half-awake, barely alive, wet and shivering, Sasuke had absolutely no idea what the hell she was saying or why.

He was being shaken, though he couldn't say who was shaking him or why they were being so insolent, and the taste of flesh (and cranberries...what the-?) filled his mouth, screams of "Bite me!" filling his ears.

Confused, freezing, annoyed and delirious, he did as told, before there was a shock to the base of his skull that felt like a frozen rock and the world was black once more.

--

"Maa," Sakura groaned, massaging her temples, "At least we know he's not dead."

Naruto pouted, staring into his ramen.

Sakura growled at him warningly. "Don't you even start."

"But Sakura-chan! We could have followed him!"

"You heard Kiba!" She snapped, "It ran into a river! It'd take a while to find the new scent, and we were all tired, cold and hungry."

"But...but!"

"_Just_ ...be glad I'm not making everyone go through checkups for illness."

Naruto pouted harder.

Sakura rolled her eyes... and blinked as a flash of red dissapeared from her vision. _Uh? _

--

When Sasuke opened his eyes again, he couldn't help the groan that slipped out from the massive pain to his skull.

"Ah, you're awake." Suigetsu's voice rang out, slightly too loud to be an accident. Sasuke glared at him. He grinned, not even bothering to look his way. "Sorry about the head pain."

_No you're not. _

"Karin told me that was because of the amount of chakra she had to pour into you, and something to do with your tiny speck of life."

"I died." His memories were coming in tiny pieces, fading bit by bit into place.

"For about six minutes." Suigetsu replied, tilting the magazine he held in his hands. Sasuke ignored the cover, despite how it quite literally flashed him.

Sasuke continued to stare.

"You'll have to ask Juugo exactly _how _you are no longer dead. He did something, and now he's like... twelve. It's extremely weird."

All of this was said without a single hint of seriousness, and Suigetsu's grin widened as he flipped the page.

Sasuke blinked, and got up from where he had lain. Curiously, he felt no pain, but his limbs felt like dead weight.

...er.

"Karin's going to yell at you~..." Suigetsu called after him as he rounded the corner.

Sasuke froze. As his mind swam from the delayed reaction to standing up, the full extent of his memory rushed back to him. Vaguely, he noticed that Karin was indeed yelling at him, and a part of him found that to be slightly odd.

"Where is he," He whispered raggedly, placing a steadied hand on the wall.

Karin stopped, and blinked. "What?"

"Where is Itachi..."

Her brow furrowed. "He's dead. We left him at the--"

"_Why_?!"

"..what?" Her voice was small now, he noted.

"Why didn't you save him too?" Sasuke demanded, staggering towards her. She stepped back, eyes wide.

"I... I..."

He grabbed her by her shoulders, lurching as his feet grew accustomed to holding his weight, and looked at her with rage and pain. She blinked back rapidly, utterly terrified and confused.

"That's just the slightest bit rude, you know," A new voice broke in. Sasuke froze once again, and turned his head slowly towards the speaker.

Itachi leaned against the wall, seeming faintly amused.

Sasuke gaped at him, vaguely aware of the fact that Karin hadn't even seemed to hear anything. She stammered a few apologies, before she noticed that he was no longer looking her way.

"Sasuke?"

He looked back at her, then at Itachi.

"Oh, shit."

--

**A/N- **The humor has yet to arrive in its entirety, I know... but hey. I'm not really one for long chapters, either.

And for the lot of you who haven't read the manga chapters where Itachi was revealed to be a good guy, then this will obviously make no sense to you. Sorry about that.

And I'm also sorry if I get Karin, Suigetsu, or Juugo wrong. To be quite honest, I have never written them... I know their characters, but give me my breaks. XD


	2. Silence of the Lamb Chops

**A/N**- And so we have our second chapter of this ... thing.

Let's see if we can't torture more people, ne?

_Without further adeu, I present the second chapter of; _

_**The Ninja Whisperer **_

_"Have I ever lied to you?" _

_There was a brief pause. _

--

"Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke blinked, looking back at Karin. He glanced at his hands, grabbing her by the arms, just below her shoulders. He blinked once again, releasing her as he stepped back. He tried very hard _not _to look at the ghost that was his brother, leaning casually against a wall.

"Nevermind." He managed cooly, glancing towards Itachi. The dead man still seemed to be faintly amused.

What exactly was one supposed to think in a situation like this?

Sasuke turned and went into the next room, which was blessedly empty, leaving behind a very bemused Karin. The girl awkwardly shifted her glasses, unsure what to do.

He rested his hand against the wall once again, lowering his head and staring at the floor with wide eyes. He almost felt sick.

_Itachi... you... _

His head was definitely throbbing right about now, but the young Uchiha refused to wince even once.

Was he supposed to believe that he had talked with the Sandaime, had learned that... that Itachi...

_Orders...? _

_It was all...just orders?! _

His breathing sped up, and his hand clenched, short nails digging into the wall as they went.

"You lied to me." He muttered, barely aware he had even spoken.

"No. I just refrained from telling you the full story."

_...Your memory must be faulty, nii-san... _

A million thoughts ran through his mind, tangling themselves into a confusing web. And the web was on fire right about now. "And... it was _Konoha_?"

"The elders. No one else was permitted to know anything."

"Except the Sandaime," Sasuke mumbled, lowering his arm and leaning his shoulder against the wall now. There was a soft _thump_ as his weight fell upon that wall. His hands hung limply, and he gazed straight ahead. He turned, resting his back against the wall, and slid down it shakily. "You're dead."

"I had thought that apparent." Itachi responded with a faint smirk.

"I... I _hated _you..." He whispered, apalled. _Should I still? _

"You had every reason to. I never told you the full story. I led you to believe what I wanted you to."

Right about now, a small voice in the back of Sasuke's mind inquired as to whether or not his head was cracking in half. "I hated you, and now you're dead. But you're here..."

"Ah, yes... about that."

Sasuke looked up, brow furrowed.

--

"Damnit!" Naruto swore, turning abruptly and throwing his arms up. "Damn it, Sasuke!"

They had lost the trail. Again.

Sakura sighed. Hinata looked down. Kiba growled to himself. Shino twitched.

"Where the hell are you?!"

--

"You're not serious."

"Have I ever lied to you?" Itachi replied, faintly smiling.

Sasuke stared at him blankly.

There was a brief pause.

"Okay," Sasuke said slowly, "Let's assume you really are serious."

Itachi raised a brow.

"...Who the _hell_ had this_**brilliant idea**_?!" Oh, yes. He was incredulous. So very much so.

Itachi sighed.

"And why the hell are you acting so weird!" Sasuke snapped, pointing at him accusingly.

"Hmm?"

Sasuke twitched. _Nevermind_. "Let me just get this straight... the good people of Konoha... the people I knew, specifically... are being haunted."

"Yes, that's about right."

"And I... am supposed to fix it."

Itachi nodded.

Sasuke made a brief, choked sound. "..._why_?" He demanded pitifully.

Itachi lifted a shoulder.

Twitching, Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. "And why, exactly, are you here again?"

"You didn't miss me? I'm hurt."

Sasuke twitched. Several times. _I never really had a chance to miss you. By the time I knew anything, I was stuck with you. _

"...Someone has to be your spirit guide." Itachi elaborated after a moment, rather flatly.

Sasuke stared at him. Again. "You're kidding."

Itachi didn't respond.

"How am I supposed to even do this?" He asked angrily, "Didn't anybody stop to remember that they want to hang me? Hell, Naruto's probably the only reason they haven't done it yet!"

He paused, and wondered just how much his other two teammates despised him. He almost grimaced.

--

"We love him too," Sakura mentioned softly, crouching beside the sulking Naruto, "You know that." Her arms wrapped around her bent legs protectively, her cheek resting upon the cap of her right knee as she stared at him with a sweet smile.

"We'll find him."

Naruto pouted. Sakura giggled at the cute face it made, reaching an arm out to ruffle his hair.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a blur of moment. She tensed, turning towards it, but saw nothing.

_Damn, not again... _

--

Sasuke stared at Karin.

Karin stared at Sasuke.

Suigetsu stared at his magazine, head tilted at an awkward angle.

"Your head has suffered a lot of damage," Karin said slowly, "Dying, and all, and the shock of my chakra..."

Sasuke's eyes slowly narrowed. "Your first boyfriend wants to know what you did with the little pieces of his body. He says he can't find them."

Suigetsu stared at Karin in horror.

"Baby, you wouldn't do that to me, would you?"

Sasuke twitched.

Forgetting the short circuit her brain had made, Karin turned to scowl at him. "No. I'd do far worse."

Suigetsu returned to his magazine without missing a beat, sinking into his chair.

"Anyways..." Sasuke broke in, feeling slightly left out for some odd reason. He then realized he had nothing else to say. "Yeah."

"Oh, _that_ was intelligent." Itachi remarked sarcastically.

"Shut up." Sasuke stated simply, glaring at him.

Karin placed a hand on her forehead, "O-okay. Lots of people know about that. Lucky guess as to what I did to him."

"You killed him because he broke up with you."

"...I did not!" Karin flushed, horrified.

Sasuke's stare was flat, and hard. The silence was long, and tense.

"Oh..." Karin managed weakly, "You really can... it... erm..."

"Please." Suigetsu scoffed, "I still say lucky guess. He probably cracked his head, and his brains spilled out."

"And you have only had one girlfriend in your entire life." Sasuke retorted darkly. Karin clapped a hand over her mouth as a short laugh escaped. "Your mother won't leave you alone until she has grandchildren, apparently."

Suigetsu slowly looked over towards Sasuke. "I hate you."

"Speaking of which... wow, Karin." Sasuke looked at the redhead strangely. "Wow."

"I didn't kill all of them!" She protested, "Just the ones that pissed me off!"

Boyfriend number four snorted derisively.

--

**A/N**- So, Karin is psychotic, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get Sasuke to Konoha. Oi...

Let's pretend Suigetsu has a mother. And let's pretend she's obsessive. And sorry for leaving Juugo out. I've had him semi-consciously recovering up till a little bit around the bend. He'll make an adorable comeback, believe you me. KUKUKU!!!

...er, yeah.


	3. Graveous Errors

**A/N**- Just in case anyone's curious, team Hebi is in an abandoned house in the forest. It has running water, and the plumbing still works (though sometimes it fails), but there's no food, no lighting and no windows.

Ahehe... w00t to more Karin and Suigetsu attention?

Also...Sasuke strikes me as the type to take showers at night. He doesn't do so here, as evident, but that's because...well, when you feel icky, you feel icky. Suigetsu and Juugo are more "bath" types, while Karin and Sasuke are more "shower" types, but they all take ridiculously long amounts of time doing so. And they're _proud of it_, muahaha.

Er...yeah. Kid!Juugo is adorable. Seriously. Someone should put a cavity warning on him. _Seriously. _

...-coughs-

_Without further adeu, I present the third chapter of; _

_**The Ninja Whisperer **_

_-you hear a demented person whistling the Batman theme- _

_-you shudder in fear- _

--

"And you haven't lost it yet, right?" Naruto asked excitedly.

Kiba twitched sporadically. "No. I haven't lost it yet. For the eighth time..."

"And we're getting closer right?!"

"Yes. We're getting closer!"

"ALRIGHT!" Naruto cheered, jumping up extra high and pumping his fists.

Sakura smacked him. _Idiot... _She glared at him as he massaged the growing bump on the back of his head, complaining about mean people.

--

Karin muffled a scream of frustration, kicking at the door again. "SUIGETSU! Damn it! I need a shower, you ass!"

"So take one with me!" He called out cheerfully.

Her face colored, and she stammered for a moment before anger overtook shock and embarassment. "HELL NO! Pervert!"

"Then go away!"

She growled dangerously, narrowing her red eyes. Without further warning, she turned crisply to her side, kicking in the door. She stormed in, then... froze. Her lips parted, but no words would come out.

There sat Suigetsu, frozen himself, not daring to look Karin's way. In his hands were two yellow rubber ducks, held a few inches above the water in the tub.

Slowly, Karin backed away.

"It's not what it looks like!" He shouted after her.

--

"I TOLD YOU! They just dropped in from the ceiling!"

"And you picked them up to, what, throw them out?"

"...well, no..."

Karin smirked victoriously, and continued brushing out her wet hair, tucking her legs in to sit indian style atop the counter. In the background, the shower started up again.

"Hey, isn't Juugo still-?"

"Yeah," Karin answered automatically, smiling fondly at the idea of the Uchiha in the shower.

Suigetsu's eyebrow twitched, and he tried not to gag. He quickly occupied himself with the freezer, seeking out leftovers. Finding nothing but chunks of ice, he irritably grabbed one and hopped up onto the counter with Karin. He munched on it absently.

Karin scooted a couple inches away, and continued her fantasies.

"Bitch." He snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Duck-man." She retorted, smirking once again as he glared at her.

"I TOLD you-!"

"Nananananananana, nananananananana, Duck-man!" She sang, voice cracking as she grinned.

He threw his leftover chip of ice at her and stalked away, grumbling obscenities and hunching his shoulders. Karin grinned all the wider as she caught sight of his faint blush.

--

Some time later, Karin stiffened, sitting up. "Something wrong?" Suigetsu inquired flatly from the living room, still glaring at her.

"There's a large group of shinobi coming this way... the same one that was following us before."

"You're sure?" He asked, annoyance forgotten.

"I'm positive, you idiot!" Karin snapped, sliding off the counter. She turned around just as Sasuke walked through the door, and halted entirely, eyes widening as she watched him walk in merely a towel. And wet. "Er..."

"No," Sasuke said simply, knowing what they planned, "You two go ahead. I have something I need to do, and I need to be in Konoha to do it."

Karin shook her head abruptly, eyes closing tight as she gathered her thoughts away from _nekkedUchiha_. "N-no! I'm not leaving you behind! They could kill you!"

"They won't."

Suigetsu shrugged, not even seeming to notice Sasuke's lack of attire. "Juugo has to stay with you, Karin isn't going to leave your side, and I'm not risking going it alone with a group of shinobi nearby, who knows who else tracking us, and probably a bounty on my head."

After Karin nodded, he went on. "You're stuck with us, mate."

Sasuke looked from one to the other, "You realize that they're going to be guarding us, very carefully, and taking us into Konoha?"

"...you'll tell them I'm your friend, right?" Suigetsu asked, shifting his eyes to and fro.

"Juugo won't be harmed; at worst he'll be submitted to a mental hospital, perhaps tested on... but you two are likely wanted criminals by now." He said gravely, staring them down.

Karin shifted from one foot to the other nervously.

"You could both leave together. You would have a source of warning from attackers, and a means to cover your tracks." Sasuke looked at Karin in particular, "You're still somewhat loyal to Orochimaru, if I recall correctly, despite him being dead. Would you continue to be loyal as they interrogated you? Even tortured you?"

She bit her lip.

"If the both of you stayed with me, you would have to defect to Konoha, or become a prisoner."

Suigetsu twitched.

"I'll cover for you if you leave. I have no reason not to."

Karin looked to the doorway as Juugo stepped in, rubbing at his left eye with a knuckle. He appeared young, younger than any of them, and confused. "Sasuke?" He asked tiredly, "You're up already?"

He glanced in the direction of the boy's voice, but did not turn his head. "I'm not fully recovered yet, but I'm just about there. You didn't have to save me." That was the closest anyone could get to a _'thank you'_, it seemed.

"Yes I did. If I didn't, nobody could have stopped me from hurting people."

The ghost of a smile played upon Sasuke's lips (no pun intended), but he returned his attention to the other two. Karin's own attention was focused on Juugo, and some strange form of emotion played on her face. She looked to Suigetsu (who was picking at his ear), then, and though she faintly scowled, the emotion did not leave.

She then looked at Sasuke. "If Suigetsu wants to leave," She spoke slowly, uncertainly, "Then I'll leave."

_But if not, I'm staying. _

Sasuke blinked, but said nothing.

All looked to said Mist-nin.

"Why would they leave?" Juugo inquired curiously, confused.

"We're taking a little trip." Sasuke stated blankly.

Suigetsu made a long, drawn out sound that was a cross between a growl and a whine, tilting his head back. "I hate you guys so much right now... they better give me water, or I'm gonna kill somebody."

Karin smiled.

"What kind of trip? I like trips..."

Some strange form of creature possessed Sasuke at that moment, for he reached behind him and ruffled Juugo's hair with a small smirk. He thought a moment on the question, then sighed.

"Quite likely a colorful one..."

In the corner, Suigetsu's mother sipped on ghostly tea, staring directly at the oblivious Karin. "This had better lead to grandchildren." She said briskly, before dissapearing from the room.

Sasuke twitched.

"I thought I was the only one who saw it," Itachi said to himself, bemused.

There was a small pause.

"Sasuke," Juugo began, "Why are you still in a towel?"

There was no answer.

--

**A/N**- Suigetsu strikes me as the type to splash around and play shark in the tub... Karin strikes me as the type to like showers because they cover up the noise of her, talking aloud during her various fantasies. Sasuke stripes me as the type to just sit there and stare at the wall. Because he can.

Juugo...he stripes me as the type to be surprisingly silly (especially Kid!Juugo, AMIRITE?!?!), and be like... "IMA PIRATE!" ... with his special boat. ...it's red. And shiny. And it will eat you if you smell like chicken.

For random information that nobody really cares about (be honest, now); in this story, Sasuke favors night showers. Or, yknow, after training. Karin favors morning showers, and midday ones on Thursdays (don't ask). Suigetsu doesn't really care. Juugo...uh... let's just say he doesn't care either. -scratches head-

Really, what _would_ he like? I'm...I'm not really sure.

(PS: I like KarinxSuigetsu. I also like KarinxSasuke. -grins-)

And as to why Karin and Suigetsu decided to actually defect to Konoha (well, eventually), in case it wasn't obvious, is because they're both grown rather attatched to their little team of four. Plus, I don't think they really want to risk going at it themselves. They're both powerful in their own rights, even moreso together, but as a group of four they're a whole lot stronger.

Uh...I talk too much. D: Ilovereviewsplz.

(PSx2: Sasuke is still in a towel because he came down to get his shirt/pick-your-object, and then forgot about it. Entirely.)


	4. Quiet as the Grave

**A/N**- Is it just me, or does every single little statement like "ghost of a smile," or "quiet as the grave," seem especially funny what with the circumstances?

And yes. Sasuke in a towel was blatant fan/Karin service.

w00t for long(ish) chapters.

_Without further adeu, I present the fourth chapter of, _

_**The Ninja Whisperer**_

_"So like, you're pretty hot." _

_"...Thanks...?" _

--

They were tense, crouched below the missing or broken windows. Hinata looked inside, and gave a nod. As they prepared to slip inside, Kakashi held up a hand in halting.

"They have a shinobi who can likely sense us right now," He said quietly, brow furrowed in suspicion, "Are you sure they didn't seem prepared?"

"Ah...y-yes, Kakashi-sensei. I didn't see any traps..."

His one, revealed eye flashed as his thoughts flew about within his mind. Finally, he relaxed entirely, hopping inside the window without warning.

"Kaka-sensei?!" Sakura shouted, surprised. She jumped in after him, fully prepared to assist her sensei.

--

Sasuke looked up as he caught sight of the first intruder. A thoughtful Kakashi strode towards him casually; behind him, Sakura jumped inside, a determined set to her features. She fell into a semi-crouch, green eyes scanning the area with an intense light lit behind them.

Sasuke was almost impressed by the display.

"What exactly are you four planning?" Kakashi inquired curiously, coming to a halt before the group as they sat about as if bored. He seemed especially interested in Karin and Juugo, looking from one to the other.

"Absolutely nothing." Sasuke answered honestly.

Sakura approached warily, glancing at each of them for a few moments as if deeming the levels of threat they held. Behind her, the rest of the team spilled inside, alarmed and confused as to what was happening. Naruto was the first of the lot, running up towards his teammates, silently asking a million questions.

"Like hell." Sakura said finally, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at him dangerously.

Sasuke chuckled softly. "I suppose I deserved that..."

"You made a good decision when you chose to include the chakra-sensitive shinobi to your team." Kakashi said slowly, still gazing out at the rest of team Hebi. As Karin perked up slightly, rather proud, he fixed his gaze on Sasuke again, question answered.

"Thanks." He responded dryly. "So, when are we heading back?"

"Huh?" Naruto responded intellectually.

"You are here to return me to Konoha, yes?"

After a brief silence in which the group of Konoha shinobi exchanged curious glances, Sakura spoke up. "Yes."

Sasuke smirked, then, as arrogantly as he could possibly manage. "And here I was beginning to wonder if we were all gathered here today to discuss Naruto's missing brain cells."

Sakura narrowed her eyes into slits.

The smirk vanished, and he sighed. "Can we stop assuming I'm going to try and kill you all the first chance I get? It's rather annoying."

"You should have thought of that before you led us to believe you wanted us dead." Sakura said quietly.

"Ah, so you're the one doing all the talking these days," He responded casually, doing a quick once over, "How interesting."

Naruto stepped past Sakura and Kakashi, curious. "You're coming back willingly?" He asked, blue eyes blinking. He was wondering whether he should dare to hope, Sasuke knew.

"That's what I've been saying, yes. If you don't mind, my team would like to come with me. Juugo here has to stay with me, due to a strange set of circumstances, and so Karin and Suigetsu have decided to tag along."

"All the way to Konoha?" Kakashi broke in once again, brow raised.

"Yeah."

There was a painful stretch of silence.

"I-I could block their chakra flow," Hinata suggested in a small voice from the back, "So that they couldn't fight us...every few hours or so..."

Suigetsu and Karin tensed ever so slightly at that, exchanging a glance and staring pointedly at Sasuke.

"I have a few conditions, of course," Sasuke said smoothly, "I'd rather not have any harm come to my team, if it's possible. They decided to stay when I was perfectly willing to cover for them. I'd hate to see that turn against them. They're willing to side with Konoha."

Nearly everyone was entirely confused by this point in time. The only one who didn't seem to be was Sasuke himself.

"Very well." Kakashi said finally.

"What?!" Sakura demanded, "You can't possibly think he's serious!"

"Sakura's right," Yamato broke in, the first time he'd spoken in some time, "There's no way to say he's not leading us into some sort of trap."

Kakashi didn't tear his eye from it's war with Sasuke's own, twin black orbs. "He knows that a trap like this would likely lead to his death, along with his team's. He wouldn't risk that."

Sasuke's stare flattened. "Good to know you can depend on my word alone." He said sullenly.

"You lost that right some time ago, Sasuke." Kakashi replied. "Hinata."

"H-hai!" The girl jumped, scurrying over to Hebi. She avoided Sasuke's cool stare as he stood to meet her, and set to work.

Sakura watched with hard green eyes, her mood only lightening as she smiled at Hinata encouragingly.

--

"What made you decide to come back?" Naruto asked that night as they rested in Yamato's creation.

Sasuke regarded him flatly, not answering.

"I mean, like... was it Itachi? It was Itachi, right?"

Sasuke's lips thinned. "Yes." He answered; it was true, in a way.

"I knew it!" He grinned, slowly succumbing to the hope he wanted to have.

Sasuke faltered, then, for a small moment in time. The idiot trusted him, even after all he'd done. "You know I don't deserve this chance," He said slowly, "Why are you bothering? I could just leave again."

Naruto looked at him questioningly. "Why would you? All you wanted to do was get revenge, right? That's all. You... couldn't do it in Konoha."

Despite knowing it was painful for him to say that at all, Sasuke stared at him, baffled. "Yeah..." He said slowly, "I'm surprised an idiot like you gets it."

"Haha, I'm awesome like tha-- HEY!" Naruto's brows drew together, "Teme! I'm not an idiot!"

Sasuke had to chuckle. He had to. Really.

"Can you two _please_ shut the fuck up?!" Suigetsu demanded, irritated and exhausted.

"NEH!" Naruto scowled, "You're just jealous you don't have any friends!"

Suigetsu sulked, rolling over further. "I do too." He muttered, pouting.

"NUH UH, fish-face!"

"GO TO SLEEP!" Karin shrieked, throwing her boot at Naruto. It hit him squarely in the forehead, and he reeled backwards, protesting and comlaining all the way to the floor.

Sakura glared at her dangerously, even as Naruto threw the boot back and Karin had to dodge in order to avoid being hit, herself. The kunoichi was the first watch of the windowless room that night, and was not exactly pleased about it.

Suigetsu snickered at the interaction, not really caring if he got to sleep after that. _Go, Karin_, he mentally cheered.

He paused. _Wait, what? _

--

Sasuke woke to the sound of a little girl's laughter.

He sat up, looking around. Kakashi stood by the door, reading, but Sasuke could see that he heard them, too. The man looked at him after a moment, revealed eye gleaming with the beginnings of understanding.

Naruto was snoring, Karin was murmuring, and Suigetsu was rolling along the floor. There were sounds of stirring throughout the wooden contraption, and the laughing had stopped, but the two sharingan wielders made not a move.

"How long have you heard them?" Sasuke asked quietly, feeling an odd pang of guilt.

Kakashi's eye crinkled in amusement, "How long have you?"

Naturo jerked awake after a moment, sleepily murmuring something unintelligible and rolling over, going back to sleep.

Sasuke smiled ruefully. "Why do I have the feeling it's going to be a lot harder to convince everybody else?"

Kakashi shrugged, returning to his book. "I wouldn't start with Sakura."

Sasuke's smile, forced though it was, faded away entirely. "Does she hate me?"

"Oh, it's probably not that bad. But you know the saying... 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'."

"Yeah," Sasuke said around another bout of phantom giggles.

Kakashi paused, and regarded him once again, closing his book around a thumb. "I think you had better explain to me the details of this... situation."

Sasuke raised a brow.

"I heard you killed him."

_Flinch_. "It doesn't really feel like it, sometimes." He deliberately ignored the ghost in the corner.

Despite his attempts, the very perseptive Copy Ninja understood fully. "And yet you're not consumed by blinding fury."

The poetic phrasing made it a faint mockery, and Sasuke flinched again despite himself. "It's a long story..."

"They say death settles all unrest."

"They also say that with every door that closes, another one opens," Sasuke quipped, narrowing his eyes. It was another way of saying that even in death, even with hatred explained away, he was still plagued with annoyances at best.

Kakashi chuckled, and opened his book once more.

Karin rolled over as a newcomer joined them, pink hair mussed with the remnants of sleep. Sakura shot yet another dark look Sasuke's way, which was far from not noticed, and purposefully ignored him as she spoke to the nonchalant Kakashi. "You should wake them up." She glanced at Naruto, expression softening, before she walked away.

Sasuke laid back after a moment, wondering if it would have done him more good to stay dead.

--

_Cough_.

Karin glanced at the shinobi sitting by her, eyes critically going over his features. "Why are _you_ guarding _me_?"

Kiba scowled at her. "I drew the short straw." He retorted succinctly.

She narrowed red eyes dangerously, crossing her arms and looking away with a "hmph!".

There was a brief pause.

"You should eat, you know."

Karin blinked. "I'm allergic to nuts." She said, after determining he was serious.

"Oh." Kiba looked down at his own, nut-free dish, and glanced again at hers. "You can switch with me, then."

"Huh?" She replied intelligently, peering at the bowl in confusion.

"Or not, that's fine." He shrugged. "I--" Kiba was cut off as she snatched it, scooting her bowl in his direction. "Okay then..." He scratched at his nose. _Weirdo... _

Karin glanced at him again, eyes narrowed as she scrutinized his appearance. "You're not half-bad looking." She blurted. Her eyes widened as she realized what she'd said.

Kiba stared at her oddly. "Thanks..." He said slowly, uncertainly.

--

It was extremely tense as Team Seven sat in what could be called a circle, mixed feelings flaring in the formation. Fury and suspicion radiated from Sakura in waves, as she was seated directly across from Sasuke, glaring at him with hard green eyes. The Uchiha himself was faintly restless, unsure of what to do or say.

Naruto glanced between the two, nervous and happy at the same time. He had no idea who's side to take if things began to get violent. Should he defend the chakra-less Sasuke, try and calm Sakura, stay out of the way, or help her beat him to a pulp?

Kakashi was giggling oddly at his book, as was typical, but it almost rang hollow, slightly off and differing from the usual laugh. Perhaps he, too, was unsure.

Yamato... well, Yamato was feeling as if he didn't belong. He hadn't been scorned by the Uchiha, hadn't cared for him or loved him like a member of his family when he left, but nor had he any ill will towards said Uchiha. Sure, at first he had wanted at least a small amount of justice for his wrongs, but now... he couldn't bring himself to wish for even that much. But wouldn't leaving be deemed rude...?

"So," Yamato began timidly, smiling serenely, "Are we ready to move on?"

No one answered, and Yamato shrunk into himself a little bit more.

--

Shino and Juugo sat across from one another, and neither had spoken a word since they had taken a seat.

"I should be with Sasuke." Juugo spoke up uncertainly, eyes wavering and not wanting to look upon anyone for fear that he would get to know them. That would make it worse if he hurt them. He started to get up. "I'll just-"

"That would not be wise." Shino had spoken, but had not moved an inch.

Juugo slowly sat back down, chagrined.

--

"So," Suigetsu spoke up with a forced grin, "You're a Hyuuga, eh?"

Hinata swallowed dryly, averting her eyes even further. Her face was tinted with pink.

"It's quite impressive." He continued in a faintly strained voice, "What you do with the chakra blocking...and stuff..."

She seemed to curl in on herself. "Th-thank you." She managed.

"It lasts a while, too. That's good." He was lying through his teeth. "But, um... what if we get attacked?"

She looked back at him, pale eyes wide. "Why would we?"

He closed his eyes, cursing at himself inwardly. "I didn't mean... the Akatsuki are probably after Sasuke, for killing one of their own, right?" When she blinked slowly, he continued. "What if they catch up with us, or something? You'd need all of our power..."

"I'm confident in our abilities." She replied simply, seeming to unfold from herself ever so slightly.

Suigetsu wanted to die then and there.

...Well, actually, he wanted very much to avoid that particular transition.

"But I could die..." He managed weakly, voice thin and tight.

Seeming to draw confidence from somewhere, Hinata slowly raised an eyebrow, ever so daintily, not even forming a crease. "And?" She smoothly inquired, seeming faintly curious.

Suigetsu stared at her in horror. "And I don't want to die!" He shouted, drawing faint attention to himself. _Evil bitch! _

"Ah, I see." She smiled a little smile, almost shyly. "Well then I suppose you'll have to count on us."

His eye twitched.

It twitched again.

_I am so haunting this bitch to her grave if I keel over. ...Maybe after that, too. _

In any case, all four groups were happy to move on.

--

**A/N**- In case anyone is curious... no, Hinata is not suddenly turning into a vindictive bitch. It's just... she noticed that Suigetsu was in the palm of her hands. That can give anyone confidence.

Anyways... yay for transition chapters. -rolls eyes- Probably the only reason it's so long... but I had to end it somewhere...

In the next chapters you can expect lots of random, nonsensical pairing hints... and a catfight. Yay!

P.S.: Yes, the little girl who was laughing was Rin.


	5. Dead Man Walking

**A/N**- DRAGONCAVE NERDS, HO!

...Yeah. I'm too lazy for the presenting jizz. Next chapter I'll make it extra special.

--

Kakashi was the first watch that night.

"Who was she?" Sasuke asked suddenly.

Karin looked up from her borrowed scroll as he spoke, while Suigetsu ignored him entirely, flipping through the magazine he had managed to bring with him. Naruto was off somewhere, talking with Sakura, or some such. The only lighting in the windowless room was a lantern, but Sasuke still saw the brief flash in the man's one revealed eye.

"A comrade." He said simply.

"When did she die?"

"A long time ago."

Sasuke scowled. "How did she die?"

Kakashi looked at him, eye crinkled in a smile. "I don't think that's very important, do you?" He said, tone light.

Sasuke's scowl faltered, and he averted his gaze. "I suppose I didn't do that very well." He managed, "I'm...supposed to help the ghosts move on."

"Is that so?"

Feeling his pride slowly trickle down a figurative drain as his shoulders slumped in the slightest, Sasuke elaborated. "I died for around six minutes. I had a talk with Sandaime-sama, and Itachi-ni-- ...and Itachi." Kakashi raised a brow at the falter, but said nothing. "And apparently, I...was given a task. I have to help all of you...the people I knew. Godaime-sama, the rest of the Rookie Nine, Gai's team... a lot of you are being haunted, or so I was told."

He hung his head for a moment. "And until I can help you, I'll be cursed to see dead people for the rest of my life."

"My mother isn't here, is she?" Suigetsu cut in abruptly, looking around wildly.

"No." Sasuke replied flatly, "The last I saw of her, she wanted grandchildren from Karin." Karin herself appeared horrified from this information.

"She wants me to sleep with _that_ bitch?!" Suigetsu demanded, "No way in hell!"

In an instant, horror shifted to outrage. "WHAT?!" Karin shrieked, offended. "You should be drooling at the thought, you ass!"

"Maybe in your dreams! By the way, you talk in your sleep."

"It wasn't about you!" She snapped, "If I had a dream about you, it'd be a nightmare and I'd be too scared to go back to sleep!"

"Why the hell are you still dreaming about Sasuke?!" Suigetsu demanded, scowling.

The aforementioned Uchiha cocked a brow. _Interesting change of topic... _

"It wasn't about him either!" Karin shouted, then froze, eyes wide and face coloring once again.

Suigetsu opened his mouth to retort before he, too, realized what was said. "There's someone else? God, Karin, you really get around!"

"SHUT UP!" She screeched defensively.

A pink head peaked in the door. "Care to take your own advice, princess?" Sakura inquired, appearing far more irritated than was expected.

"Okay, that's it." Karin growled, moving to stand up.

"So!" Kakashi interjected, "Sakura, have you been sleeping well?"

The kunoichi glared at him balefully. "What do you think?" She shot another dark look towards Sasuke, for added measure.

Safe to say a good portion of the blame for her lack of sleep was going to be given to the poor, (currently) defenseless Uchiha. Even though the situation would have been the same without him.

_Great. _

--

"Rise and shine, sweet tarts!" Yamato's voice rang out cheerfully.

"I thought it was sweatheart..." Somebody wondered aloud.

Something about Yamato's voice was disturbing when he replied, "Isn't my way better?"

"...y-yes..."

It was silent in their windowless room as they all stared at the door with bemused expressions.

--

Karin was nervous.

No. No, that was an understatement. A huge one.

A tiny voice at the back of her head was telling her she had made a huge mistake, and that she was going to die (in the case of which she would then haunt Suigetsu, because it was all his fault anyway...though, if he died, too, she didn't know who she was supposed to haunt).

She'd decided to join this stupid team primarily because Sasuke was, well, hot. And cool. Funny how someone could be both hot and cool at the same time. And not, like, ha-ha funny, because... it was more of an odd funny, and all... yeah. Odd.

But now... she'd been given the decision to split the team or avoid danger entirely. She should have chosen "avoid danger!" like it had been flashing neon lights with male dancers promising entertainment at its finest, but she'd gone with keeping their little team intact.

And she didn't know why.

Why had she put her life on the line just for three oddballs with mental(/emotional) issues? Her attraction to Sasuke aside, that would almost be considered an act of insanity. For all she knew, she'd die the moment she hit the gates of Konoha, just because she'd been allied with Orochimaru not too long ago.

Karin wilted, curling in on herself.

"You gonna eat that?"

She jumped at the intrusion to her thoughts, glancing blankly towards the speaker. The boy with marks on his cheeks, Kiba, was gesturing at her food.

"Hello-oo...did you hear me, or what?"

Karin blinked, then blinked again. "I made a huge mistake coming along, didn't I?" She asked quietly.

Kiba's expression twisted in suden confusion. "What?" The gigantic dog at his side tilted its head.

"I'm going to die the moment I see your stupid gates." She intoned with dread, "And there's nothing I can do about it."

"Oi! Nobody's gonna kill you when you're with us!" He was looking at her as if she had said he resembled a fish, "Geez! And you seemed smart for a little bit there, too."

Karin flushed. "Go to hell!" She snapped, snatching up her food in irritation.

_Why do I feel better? _

--

The travel stretched onwards, nerves fraying to their roots in many more ways than one, each day making the destination loom in the distance, growing ever more intimidating.

When Sakura commented that Tsunade might just say he wasn't worth the trouble and have him executed, Sasuke realized two things.

One, the girl could hold an impossibly long grudge, and be impossibly bitter in her interactions with the cause of that grudge.

Two, he had never thought it possible to feel a burning need for anything other than revenge, the least of which being a need to lash out in retaliation to the latest quip at his expense. Violently.

Poor Naruto was stuck trying to decide which side to fight for (possibly literally) even more desperately than before.

At one point, Karin had accidentally gotten in Sakura's path to the door. There was an awkward dance where the two tried to move around the other and failed miserably. Sakura had growled.

_Growled. _

It was then that the pink-haired kunoichi was deemed inapproachable at best.

--

"I don't know," Karin sighed absently, "I just really don't want to die, you know?"

Suigetsu scoffed. "And here I thought you'd be clinging to Sasuke's arm and blindly trusting his every whim."

Karin scowled at him. "It's not like that! And how does this not bother you?!"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because I'm not prone to overreacting?"

Karin barked out a short laugh. "I've got two words for you. Duck-man."

He nearly tripped over his own feet. "BITCH! I thought we agreed we wouldn't talk about that! Like, _ever_!"

She shot him a pointed look.

Suigetsu rolled his eyes. "Whatever, she-wolf. It just doesn't bother me. It's better than being all alone with you, anyway."

With a "hmph!", Karin stalked off. Suigetsu stared after her, an amused smirk playing at his lips.

Hinata, walking slightly behind him, looked between the two, slightly confused.

If it didn't bother him, why had he been so jittery towards the beginning of their journey? And why would he lie to his teammate if it did?

--

Naruto stretched casually, appearing quite happy with himself as he mentioned they were a day or two away from their destination.

It went a little quiet for a moment, before the sound came roaring back.

Sakura stood off to the side, gazing into the distance with clouded eyes. She looked particularly tired, at unease for some odd reason.

_You didn't see his face. You didn't see his face. _

"Sakura-chan?" She jumped a bit, blinking a few times to return to reality. Naruto stood at a relatively safe distance, pensive and confused. "I mean, I understand why and all, but, I don't, and..." He faltered. "Do you hate him, or something?"

Sakura was silent a while. "Unfortunately, I don't think that's possible."

Naruto sighed in relief. "So I won't have to break up any beatdowns, or anything?"

A faint smile graced her countenance as a wicked gleam entered her eyes. "I never said that. I just said I couldn't hate him."

The distinct look of someone being very torn, conflicted and confused was worth it, Sakura decided around giggles. And so was that _pout_; good lord! "Ne, ne, you're mean sometimes, 'tebayo!"

"Well they seem to be getting along." Suigetsu mused, vaguely sulking.

"I have no idea why," Karin commented, raising a brow, "but I guess they're both just nuts."

"Sakura used to practically hate him," Sasuke supplied, "But then again, so did nearly everyone else..."

He left out the bit where they had seemingly swapped roles, but when one is followed by particularly perceptive ghosts, leaving out tidbits becomes a mite difficult.

"Being disliked bothers you?"

Despite the fact it was a fairly passive question, Sasuke shot his 'spirit guide' a look. "What, and it didn't bother _you_?"

He was blessedly left alone for a few minutes. He could almost feel the inward twitch from ten feet away.

Surprisingly enough, he had time to actually think for the first time in days. And yet, he couldn't help but remember all the things he never wanted to since they happened. All of the death. Sasuke barely refrained from glancing towards Itachi, knowing that he'd notice.

Was he still supposed to hate him? He had been stuck between a rock and a hard place, left to decide for himself if he should prevent a war and quietly kill everyone in the clan... or if he should let the war happen. War, which he hated most. There was a small chance the war wouldn't even happen.

And yet...

Sasuke frowned.

_I can't hate him anymore. I don't think I could ever let it go, but now... maybe he was wronged as much as I. But he didn't give the Hokage a chance... _

He didn't even want to be thinking on this topic, really, but brooding always was a talent he possessed. The thoughts just came.

_He made a choice. I've done that just as much as he. We're more alike now than I thought. Who am I to expect forgiveness when I don't know if I can give it? _

Sasuke closed his eyes a moment, left alone with the realization that he didn't know what he was doing or why.

--

**A/N**- Wow. It's been a while. Oops.


End file.
